My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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