how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just had sex bonerless
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
