were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
