Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
