go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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