get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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