I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
