there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
