hell yes lets make some ravioli
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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