Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
