Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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