shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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