there's paper in my vomit.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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