put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
