I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you had me at cake vodka
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
