margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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