A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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