I bet he comes in French.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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