Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
