There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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