Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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