I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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