You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
