I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
