I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
