Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
