mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
