I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
