There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
