I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
