i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
