He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
