I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
