Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
