yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
