oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
