Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
