he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
