Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
