We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
