If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
