dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My dick has a subreddit
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
