Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
