Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
