I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
