Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
they need to just BURY HIM!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
