we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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