Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
