my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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