Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
