why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
