haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
