I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
