Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
