she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
