just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
me + whiskey = a bad person
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
